Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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