he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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