i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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