I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
