I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
