Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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