So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
