Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Randomize
