we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's blow job season.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
