glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
