yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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