you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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