dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
