Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
