and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
