i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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