Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
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I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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