You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
