I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize