I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Blood and glitter go together right?
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Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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