I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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