I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
