she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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