You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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