Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
