i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
