i think i recognize dicks better than faces
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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