I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
