You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
