omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
