I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
