Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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