Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
