My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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