please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
