The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
