Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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