My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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