so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
