just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
