at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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