So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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