Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
