WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
