He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
