I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
