Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
