How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
