i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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