this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
