Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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