omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
