Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
