If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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