I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
