One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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