So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
