..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
