i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
