Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
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a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
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We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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