bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
