Betty ford says i'm here all night
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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