is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
