its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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