I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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