I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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