new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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