soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
