Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
