they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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