Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my being single is dangerous.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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