Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
