I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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