its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
