Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
