my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it was like his penis was on wheels.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
