working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
