my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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