there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
