so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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